A Phone Call

I went to hospital again today. Hopefully for the second last time.

I received a phonecall this morning. It was the occupational therapist confirming the exact equipment my mum required for bathing, walking, getting out of chairs and off the toilet etc at my house. My mum can now negotiate walking very short distances with a frame. So she can be discharged. She will live with me until she is able to be independent again.

This afternoon I picked up one of the larger pieces of equipment. I must say, they were very efficient and obliging in providing the needed frame with a only a couple of hours notice. I guess they have to be. The last thing a worried person needs is to be confronted with unhelpful and inefficient staff just so a parent can go to the toilet without injury.

I will be attending the hospital again tomorrow to pick her up. Hopefully the rest of the equipment will fit in the back. I'm very happy

http://picasaweb.google.com/exoticorient/HappyNewYear2008#5227418625209035570

This is My Goal

I haven't felt genuinely at one with the Universe for a while now and have instead become really lost and out of sync.

I have been too distracted trying desperately to run fast enough for a couple of people who, as it turns out, have really only been using me up as a stepping stone to further themselves.

I have been so out of touch, I have allowed myself to be driven into the ground and then thrown away like rubbish at their convenience.

I have decided to make this a goal - To be at one with the Universe. I'm giving myself six months. It shouldn't take that long now that I'm putting my mind to it.

Photo from Summer @ http://picasaweb.google.com/c2cc.cn/DesktopWallpaper#

Irony

I am in financial and emotional limbo but find myself enjoying the lack of direction at least some of the time. I haven't had days off to myself like this for ages.

I have always been a highly dedicated employee who has required very little reward, but I no longer give a flying rats arse about organizational loyalty or your mission statement.

I have always loved and worked at dedication to a purpose larger than just myself, but now I find myself having been abandoned by almost every significant connection in my life.

Because of my education and personal resourcefulness I try to be self-determining, but I am forced it seems to embrace fatalism in response to my life's circumstances.

Frankly I can too easily get along without a man in my life, but I really wish that someone special would come along so that I can love him... again.

For the sake of social dignity, I am trying to see the karmic learnings and silver opportunies in the dark clouds of my current adversity. But locked away deep in the hidden chambers of my broken heart, I am trying so hard, not to just give into believing that I must be a really incompetent and worthless person.

Photo by Swaffie @ http://picasaweb.google.com/Swaffie/Haleakala#

Experimenting

I can no longer buy the anti-depressants that were as far as I was concerned a miracle come true for me. Apparently the drug was associated with liver damage that was considered too high risk by the drug company. It is no longer available.

So I am experimenting with finding a new anti-depressant. So far no luck. My blood pressure went through the roof so I am now waiting for it to be out of my system before I can start on another lot. I am also waiting to see if my blood pressure goes down, or I will be taking something for that as well.

Subsequently I am starting to not feel that great. I only have to wait till Friday though.

How far do you think a person can you crash in 3 days?

Photo by Schmii @ http://picasaweb.google.com/Sclyphe/Funnies#

Hospital

I visited my mother at hospital today. She can't walk yet but her mood is certainly the brightest I have seen her since she was admitted. She's going to be ok. : - )

More Than Half the Things on My List

I have been experiencing an abnormally high number of life's stresses in the last few months. What they probably don't know, is that recently when I close my front door, I totally shut down.

I don't speak, I avoid everyone, I eat only what I don't have to prepare or cook. I have been slinking around the house attempting to distract myself from feeling too vulnerable to face anyone. Thus I have been using this damn computer as an escape so that I am not forced to focus on all my problems at the same time. This has worked out for me so far because I am still here.

And because I am still here, I decided today, to at least pretend to join the rest of the world. Today I practiced what it is like to be a normal person. Not a 'super' normal person. More like a 'just made it over the line' normal person.

So I did some housework and my house now looks more like a happy balanced person lives here. I drove into town and did some grocery shopping and my refridgerator now looks more like a healthy, motivated to cook person lives here.

In total I completed more than half the things on my list. 'Not bad considering', I thought. I also joined a Video Store and I had a conversation with the lady behind the counter.

This was the first conversation I have had with an adult outside my immediate family for more than a week. This lady was lovely. She had a wonderful chat with me about turning 40. According to this lovely lady, turning 40 makes you think about yourself more. Apparently turning 40 means you get to look after yourself more.

I thought about this and came to the conclusion that if this is true, maybe that is not such a bad thing. It's certainly needed, and perhaps timely. Definitely a bit of a new experience. I think maybe I might take her words on board a little more.

I think too, that when I return the videos I might thank her for her chat. I bet she doesn't realise how important her words were to me today. And I bet she doesn't get thanked nearly enough for her bright and sparkling personality and easy going conversation.

Photo by Tom Curtis http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=178 

Redundancy

My doctor said try to relax and avoid stress.

This made me laugh. Does he really think that if I could do this I wouldn't be doing it already? I think I am doing well just to keep getting out of bed.

So here I am at home, looking out the window, writing a blog - guilt free that I'm not at work. I have been made redundant. I haven't enjoyed the experience and I don't really recommend it.

I have been playing with my cat, surfing the net, eating chocolate, visiting the hospital and crying in places. I had a job interview, but they decided they didn't want me. I guess I am not in a good space to be promoting myself right now anyway.

But I think I might visit my cousin. I might do some sewing. I'll watch a video and read a book. I'll go for a drive and look at the scenery. I'll do some housework.

But I'm still going to continue avoiding the ironing for as long as possible.

Photo by Kobac @ http://picasaweb.google.com/damir.kobescak/Art2#